Holiday Wardrobe - Swimwear. Only because I have to.

Thursday, 12 July 2012
I am going on a holiday in August to sunnier climes where I will be needing swimwear. Aarrghhh.  The old trusty brown & cream (previously white) spotty swimsuit has gone to the swimsuit graveyard in the bin as I discovered today it has a fuzzy bottom ... which means I have been going around with a fuzzy bottom since I don't know when.  

So I'm on the hunt again for a swimsuit for the second time this year.  The first time being when I said I was going to start taking George swimming regularly.  That didn't happen so the swimsuit didn't happen.  However, we've just sorted out a holiday abroad, first time since having George and now I desperately need swimwear as I can honestly say, hand on heart, "I have nothing to wear".  So I finally went to order the Toast one and of course it was sold out in my size which served me right for not getting on with it.  And so I have been hauling and squeezing myself into tiny bits of material looking for a new flattering swimsuit.  It's a minefield out there.  I feel the need to go slightly brighter and be a bit braver in my choices than I would normally as I will be abroad and I don't want to be a boring mama.  However this is easier said than done.  Buying a swimsuit for me is quite complex even though I have only 2 main criteria :

1. Ample bottom coverage - I don't like ones which are cut high and reveal far too much of it.  Toned is not a word my bottom is familiar with.  You don't get a bottom like mine by going to the gym.

2.  Armpit muffin coverage - I don't know what the correct term is but I don't like the bits which sometimes get squished out at the top.  It's the spare bits between boob and armpit.  You know what I'm talking about.

I've tried on everything and even pushed myself out of my comfort zone... because you hear it all the time ... you don't know till you try and oh boy did I try!  From the ones with the bits cut out at the sides ... I think they're called monokinis (so bad I was nearly in tears) to the "firm support" miracle suits - the ones with fantastic tummy sucking in abilities (so firm, I nearly fainted). They are named miracle swimsuits because it's a miracle if you can wrestle yourself into one. The even bigger miracle is if you can wrestle your way out of one.  Houdini had it easier believe me. I can only describe it as putting on an item of clothing 4 sizes smaller than your usual size.  I pity the poor soul who has one of these on when the call of nature comes a calling. Also, you can't breathe in them.  Or maybe I'm just used to letting it all hang out metaphorically speaking.  But I did find a swimsuit eventually in Monsoon.  I also had George in tow - I know, the mind boggles as to why I would go swimwear shopping with George (desperate springs to mind), George who thinks its fun to whisk the changing room curtains open when you don't have much on and shout "Peekaboo!".  

Olivia Swimsuit - Sold Out Online

Fuschia & Orange Stitch Detailing

And not content with having found a swimsuit, I continued looking because you never know if there is going to be something better out there so I also tried on a bikini from Whistles.  It wasn't bad and I did some star jumps to see if anything would fall out - amazing - nothing did. Everyone tells me it's going to be 30 degrees plus in Greece and I need a bikini - I'm just trying to get over the wobbly tummy mindset and just look at mine as being one more in a sea of many wobbly tummys.  I had another snoop at the Toast website again and my swimsuit came back in stock.  I was faster than Flash Gordon at ordering it but alas when it arrived, it was not to be.  It fitted and it covered all the bits it needed but you know what ... I felt a bit frumpy.  So that's going back too. And after all that wishful thinking and cooing over a bit of red spotty material as well!

And finally we get to the bikini.  Yes - I bit the bullet and bought a bikini.  I perused innumerable sites to find one which I thought would do the job and eventually whilst buying some pj's for the boys in Matalan (yes - Matalan) I found a little bikini set.  Voila.

It's not black!!

It cost a grand total of £11.  If I decide I'm not that brave even when abroad, I haven't lost masses on these little bits of material.  I just don't understand how people can charge £100+ for two tiny bits of clothing.  Which barely cover you.  

So that's swimwear done then.  Oh yes and I have a 10 year old M&S sarong to add.

An oldie but a goodie.

Now I've just got to stop eating the boys leftovers or I will get locked up for scaring the locals in that bikini!


  1. You always make me chuckle with your comments. I was going to try the miracle suit but after reading what you wrote about them, I'm going to forget about trying them on. I remember trying to maneuver myself out of a too small dress once in a small cubicle which can't be mistaken for a fitting room. It was a horrific experience.

    Which part of Greece are you going to? BTw, I don't think I will ever succeed being a stylist. The only person I'm good at styling would be me. Besides, I've been known to be pretty *ahem* frank. Friends of mine had taken me on their shopping trips and asked for my opinion......

    1. Go on - I dare you to give the miracle suits a go. They look okay on but I just couldn't deal with feeling like a trussed up old bird. I might try again when I get back off the jollies because if nothing else - you certainly do feel secure in one and that's a good thing when swimming with children. I just tried on a couple of cheapies but maybe the more expensive ones are better? I have gotten stuck in small pieces of clothing before in changing rooms - it's quite scary. You do wonder if you will get out with your dignity intact and without destroying the garment.

      I'm going to Ixia in Rhodes. We are going with some friends who like our children enough to put up with them for a week :o) Have you been to Greece and any tips apart from don't dress head to toe in black unless I want to be mistaken for a Greek widow?

      And lots of people in the past have asked me to go shopping with them which is fun until they say "does my bum look big in this" to which I usually have to reply "I've seen it look smaller". And thanks for the truthful comment about the Plumo bag - I already knew it was too big but it's good to have someone say it out loud.

    2. LOL! Having learned my lesson from Chinese aunties - you know the ones who are unafraid to let you know if you're looking fatter/older, I've learned to be a bit more *ahem* diplomatic.

      I was there in Greece for 2 months on my first visit, 2 weeks on my second and 3 weeks on my third. I don't understand Greek fashion though. I'm generalizing here. It's either garish beyond words or black. Nothing in the middle. We spent a lot of time in the mainland though. I've heard that Rhodes is a beautiful island. Very relaxing but big enough that you won't be bored.

    3. I don't have Chinese aunties ... I have worse. I have Chinese sisters. And mine are as diplomatic as your aunties by the sound of it. My shopping sister is the one who usually says things like "you've got a bigger bottom and those look better on me" - she doesn't mince. Criticism - hah! Water off a duck's back now! Is it just Chinese people who are this blunt?

  2. Oh I need to do the dreaded swimsuit shopping too. Really like your choices especially the bikini. I suffer from armpit muffinage too :)

    Also with you on the toddler swimming front. Sister in law takes her 6 week old once a week, M has only ever been about twice eeek

    Have a fab holiday, when are u off?


    1. Not going till mid August so I've got another month to get my act together.

      Don't feel bad about M not going swimming. Wait till she's 3 and then put her in a class. That's what I'm doing with George - I hate swimming. Bleurgh.

  3. Shame that swimsuit is sold out, as soon as I saw it I was gonna order! Agree with you about the miraclesuit, I have one and can hardly get my breath in it!

    1. If you're quick, you might be able to get this Melissa Odabash one in the Cocosa sale! My Monsoon one was only £12.80 in the sale - how could I refuse? Might have one in store though as I picked mine up in store. Or you could ring round and stalk the swimsuit like I do with things I want. It's very sad.


Susie So So